And the 'Worst Film of the Year Award' goes to....

Jennifer Aniston fan?


No, nor me. Wait, come back!

Seriously, you need to see this just so that you can claim to have seen 'the worst film ever made'. No, not that one starring 'Madonna'.

The Bounty Hunter: Even worse than Jenifer Aniston's Farts

I'm talking, of course, about 'The Bounty Hunter'. Its got that Gerard Butler in it, too. Yeah, he's well-annoying, isn't he? In this black mark upon the history of film, he plays Matthew McConaghey, an inflatable and supernaturally smug tall person alongside Jennifer Aniston as herself, only older and with CGI-enhanced sun damage.

It was so bad that half an hour before the end credits rolled, as a limp and bothersome car chase was in full swing, I thought to myself :‘The only way to save this mess now would be if Will Smith were to appear out of nowhere and shoot both leads in the head at point blank range.

In the soon-to-be-released-straight-to-dvd sequel (The Bounty Hunter: Portrait of a Serial Killer) Eddie Murphy plays all roles with nothing but the theatrically remastered human skins of Butler and Aniston for inspiration.

Aniston, in a mild and barely noticeable deviation from her typical format, plays a kooky (grit your teeth), quirky, career-minded bore. She is alone (just like in real life, then, unless you count that prick John Meyer as company). Butler is, from what I can see, a bit of a loser, but inexplicably self-assured nonetheless.

They were together, in a couple type thing. Then, they split up. Presumably because there was too much smug in the recipe for either to survive without a colossal explosion of ego. They still want each other, obviously, because she’s just so…well I would have gone with bland, but anyway. And he’s just so...er....tall? Stocky? Fuck, I dunno.

Will they get it together? From the looks of this hand job, yes.

The point is that you are supposed to really like them both. And they are both supposed to be a bit kooky and a bit ker-ay-zee. But this is an American film, so by 'kooky', they mean that one of them only gets her highlights refreshed once every 10-12 weeks. Fucking nutters, I'm telling you! That is some crazy shit.

Anyway arrest-blah-bounty-hunt-blah-together-blah-not-together-blah-shootout (but not a very good one). Then Will Smith arrives, blows both their heads off and Eddie Murphy plays out the rest of the film, ultimating between Aniston and Butler skin suits made out of sun damage and forgettable performances. I’m so going to Cannes for this.