Interview with Kelly Brook (which took place in my imagination, don't go all litigious on me now Kelly old boy!)

ME: 'Uh, Kelly?'

KELLY BROOK: 'Yeah?'

ME: 'Um, I don't want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but..'

KELLY BROOK: 'What? What is it?'

ME: 'Well, I can sort of see your boobs'.

KELLY BROOK: 'What? What the fuck are you talking about? Why would you say something like that? What are you, some sort of pervert'

ME: 'No, I'm just saying, y'know, you can kind of see a bit of side boob there'.

KELLY BROOK: 'Are you kidding me?'

ME: 'No, seriously. You have side boob on display. And also a little nipple. A wink of nipple'.

KELLY BROOK: 'Oh my fucking God are you serious?!'

ME: 'Uh, yeah'.

KELLY BROOK: 'How much can you see? I'm so embarrassed! And on TV too!'

ME: 'Uh..'

KELLY BROOK: 'Do you think that anyone else saw?'

ME: 'Uh, maybe a few people'.

KELLY BROOK: 'Oh my God, my Mum is going to fucking kill me! Why the fuck didn't you say something sooner? Jesus!'

ME: 'Yeah. Sorry about that Kelly. I just figured you were already 'aware', y'know?'

KELLY: 'What the fuck? You think that I was AWARE that I was walking around some film set with my boobs out?! What do you think I am? Some kind of fucking slut?'

ME: 'Uh'.

KELLY BROOK: 'Fuck you'.

ME: 'I'm actually a massive fan. Could you please sign this naked picture of yourself for me?'

KELLY BROOK: 'Ok sure. Who should I make it out to?'